Security guards are commonly depicted as being incompetent, gluttonous buffoons who in most cases only end up saving the day through the complacence of an equally half-witted criminal. In fact, while considering this list it seemed that there were few on screen guards who came to mind as actual valiant enforcers of security. Still, this lot sure did make us smile…
- Paul Blart: Mall Cop – 2009
This daft American comedy about a middle aged single father who dreams of being a New Jersey State Policeman was one of the strangest box office successes in recent memory. The plot is wafer thin, the characters are one dimensional and the hero is a hapless buffoon but hey, it’s good wholesome fun. The film takes place on Black Friday where a bunch of crooks dressed in Yuletide attire take siege of the mall… so as you can guess, it’s up to Paul Blart and his segway to save the day. Warning: this film contains awkward scenes of voyeurism and cringe worthy slapstick.
- The Bodyguard – 1992
Yes, we are well aware it was awful. Kevin Costner can’t act, Whitney Houston isn’t exactly an enigmatic screen presence either and don’t get us started on that gag inducing plot. For the unenlightened, the film starts Houston as an Oscar nominated popstar who receives numerous death threats and appears to be stalked. In comes Costner to protect her from these menacing goons and for the most part, he does a pretty good job which is exactly what you’d expect from an ex-Secret Service Special Agent. What he didn’t do a very good job of doing is convincing the audience he was actually falling in love with Houston’s character… woeful, yet oddly enjoyable.
- Star Wars – The Imperial Royal Guard – 1977
Given that it’s the Imperial Royal Guard’s job to follow the Sith Emperor absolutely everywhere, it’s quite hilarious that they aren’t present when he needed them most. You know what scene we’re talking about… Oh Vader, good on you lad.